I like to think that I’m a pleasant person. Maybe the people close to me wouldn’t think that, but I’m definitely nice to strangers and people I don’t know very well. It takes some getting to know me to become familiar with the snarky parts. I smile at people on the street if we accidentally make eye contact, which got me some weird looks in the Midwest but seems more acceptable in the South. I will strike up a conversation with the guy in front of me in line at the bank if he seems friendly enough, and I will give directions to people wandering around looking lost if I can help. I think it comes from working at restaurants for so long. It was my job to make small talk with people and to be able to accurately guess what kind of conversation they wanted to have.
Part of being able to read people is knowing to leave people alone if they have headphones in, are reading a book, or look otherwise engrossed in whatever they are doing. For the most part, I will leave people alone unless they make a move that seems like they are inviting conversation. It’s common courtesy.
It seems that a lot of people lack that common courtesy. I take the bus around the city pretty regularly, and always have headphones in. I’m normally reading something too. I don’t want to be bothered. It’s generally early in the morning, which is not a time I like to be social, and I usually have something I should be working on. So it’s surprising to me when I get a tap on the shoulder or elbow nudge to let me know that someone is trying to talk to me. Maybe my bag is unzipped, or I dropped my thermos. There are perfectly normal reasons to interrupt someone, but it normally isn’t.
The nudge for attention tends to be from a conversation seeker that I have never met before. Someone that I am now trapped on a moving vehicle with for the next half hour or so. “How are you?” “I like your hair.” “That’s a cool Mickey tattoo.” “I had a premonition I would see someone crocheting on the bus this morning.” (I was knitting. It was cold. I needed a scarf.) These are how the conversations normally start and I try to reply with something polite that doesn’t lead to further conversation, but it never works. I am asked more questions, regaled with excerpts from their life and what they are planning to do with their day.
I don’t want to be rude. I’m not sure if I could in all honesty. I’m going to be stuck with them until I get to my stop, so I try to sit it out, replying as rarely as possible. However, whoever’s stop comes first, and god forbid we get off at the same one, the encounter normally ends with them trying to get a hug. And that’s where the line is drawn. Very thickly. No thank you. You didn’t mean to make it awkward? You did, but it’s fine. But standing and staring at me won’t help your case. I’m not in the habit of mushing my personal space with strangers unless absolutely necessary, and there are no voluntary touches. I don’t like it. I don’t know you. Please go away.
I thought that not making eye contact would help my case, but I was incorrect. Indiana did not prepare me for large populations on public transportation.